Mutthi Bhar Aasmaan..

The setting sun could make one feel many things. When ever I visited the Devi temple over the hill, I could see it slipping down. Immediately after the sun was gone the pink and purple horizon used to get filled with dark and shadowy creatures flying silently towards it. I also wanted to follow the Sun. I wondered if there is a world beyond the orange curtain. I realized that I need to fly to see the world of my aspirations. My thirst for flying used to get amplified whenever I saw and the sky full of colorful kites flying bright and high. I flapped my hands but I couldn’t. I tried it by jumping off from the machaan (elevated platform) but ended up in broken bones. For the next couple of weeks I had to struggle a lot to scratch my itching but plastered leg. I was a helpless fellow lying on a coat. But still I could see those kites flying high and high. Broken legs were unable to restrict my imaginations and I once again I started knitting my dream to fly beyond the horizon. During those moments, I never knew how and, I never bothered to figure out why or why not. Only thing bugged me was desperation for flying, flying and only flying. I was shun to the technologies uptill I saw a helicopter (as they called it) flying in the village sky. I never knew from where that came. I watched it till it got dissolved in the blue sky . Time has got wings so it flew away.
I passed my school and got into a college. My favorite Professor in the college told me about the Indian Air Force, the institution to satisfy my dreams. I qualified for NDA entrance and got through PABT (Pilot Aptitude Battery Test). Knitting a dream and realizing it are two different things. As soon as I joined the academy, I got some of the biggest knocks. There was no one to wake me up in the morning. I used to miss the soft phulkas (chapathi) and pickle which amma used to fed me with. Guys in the academy were rough and tough and they wanted me to be one like them. Fostering my dream became a challenge for me. Initially I thoughts to quit, but a flash of orange horizon and multicolored kites yelled at me. I tried hard and finally, I won the battle called Training. The Academy was over in 3 year and I learnt a lot of things in NDA Pune.
I was sent to AFA in Hyderabad for my flying training. It was the most awaited time for me. I was standing near a fighter aircraft. The moment I saw it I felt the same way a desperate lover feels, when he sees his beloved after a long time. That was an incredible experience to see and to touch the machines of my dreams. The very next morning my training started and I was taken for a demonstration flight. For the first time in my life I was sitting inside the cockpit of an aircraft. I can not describe what I felt when the machine took off. The joy inside me started taking wings and now I could see the horizon and wanted to peep deep into it. I asked it to my instructor. He said one day you will to it yourself son. I never expected that handling control panel would be so much difficult. It was a crisscross of infinite wires going from everywhere to everywhere. I was taken aback when I saw a great number of meters and instruments showing all the possible color combination. I started feeling blue, green and gray when I got to know about altimeter, artificial horizon. The only friend I found at that moment was an autopilot. I was nervous and to be frank I was afraid. But I was unable to help it.The plane was already sailing at height of 10000 feet above the ground. I felt like vomiting and then I don’t know what happened. They said that I fainted.
Next morning I was in a military hospital. I could hear the murmuring of doctors and their technical jargons like 2G 3G etc. I remember those horrifying heights. My dream became a nightmare. I felt like crying at that very moment. My instructor Captain Shekhar Ahluwalia was a jolly man and he boosted me up. He asked me to give it another try. After a couple of day, I was there with him on the same machine, but this time I was nervous like hell. Once again all the colors of the blue and green sky faded into dull black. My body was not able to take the stress and once again I landed in the same hospital.
The issue was serious as per Air Force administrations and they started holding meeting to discuss about terminating my flying training. They wanted to transfer me into ground duty branch. The very anticipation panicked me in the worst possible way. The only cozy hand I could find was of my instructor Captain Shekhar .He was the man to answer the review comittee about my fitness and ability to join the prestigious flying wing of IAF. He tried to convince them. It is easy to convince someone when you are confident. But in my case Captain Shekhar was not sure, weather I will be able to take the stress when I will be flying for the last chance. After attending the meeting he came to me. He sat beside me and then we had some usual chat. Meanwhile the doctor came. Captain Shekhar and the doctor went outside. When they came back captain was having lines of doubts and hopelessness on his forehead. I was asking about everything but he was calm and quite. He came to me and caressed my head and hair with his hand. He said bye and went away.
I was discharged from the hospital after one week. And when I went to my room my fellow trainees came to see me. They told me about their training. Each one was happy . Of course, being into the flying wing of IAF is a dream and they fetched it anyway. These guys are great in everything. They somehow got the smell of IAF administrations meetings regarding my fate. There were lot of confusion among them and they showered all the distorted secrets on me. Whole night I couldnot sleep . Every time I tried I saw the orange horizon fading into black and black birds changing into the monters and started bugging me. Next time I saw those flying kites getting ripped off and floating down. It was horrible. I got up and went to the mirror. When I saw in it, the dozy focus on my face tempted me to look thorough my eyelid and thus spoke the very known face to me.The reflections were disobedient to their own laws perhaps they did so to persuade me to follow the rules.I was still in the confusion and preferred to not to lend an ear to them. Rather I tried to splash my face with realty and it immediately dried down to the belly of earth. The face became aggressive ,and louder the voice .I tried to escape but I couldn’t .The monster was getting imprinted deep down to my subconscious screen and making an impressions on the unconscious .My heart, though broken was pounding and I was drenched with blood and sweat. They kept pronouncing the nervousness & insecurities inside me .The hottest of the summer tempted to chill me with the breeze icy enough to shiver me and it made me feel the darkest trivia madness all around .I ran I shouted I cried and yelled but of no use. I was captured with none to save me. I was being punished, tortured and I was helpless prisoner of my own fate. Life at a sudden became shun to all the cheers and my stuffed wallet couldn’t lent me the worldly charms .The most exotic drink was unable to take me off my feet, the most gorgeous woman could not flatter me….and the erotic sequences were dry and sarcastic as the Sahara . None of the comforts prevailed and no more dewdrops or the mysterious fog was there to moisten the deep desires of an innocent child inside me. The extreme of the elevation was not majestic enough to feel the world in my arms. As hard I tried to widen my wing .so hard I felt being buried deep down the earth and the whole load of this cruel world consolidating the scare in me and it puffed my heart tuff over the yell of my death. I was the only one for that mute cry over my own corpse. The burden of my sin was too heavy to carry into a coffin and I fainted again and again. I was bound to do that to my grave and the tiredness gave me the ugliest nap of the agony while I was digging a grave for myself.
I got stunned suddenly by a phone call. I lit up the lamp and found it was already 5:30 am in the morning. The man on another side of the phone was Captain Shekhar. He told me in a very polite manner if I could come to see him outside the academy by 6:00. I rushed towards him to find him in his car. He drove me to a hill near by Begumpet. On the top of it we could see the mist engulfing the city on one side and the academy crowded with flying machines. Silence of the place was disturbed by the voice of a young bird. It was accompanied with its mother. Actually it was learning to fly. Every time the baby bird tried, it failed to elevate and fell. The mother bird was always with it. It got injured but the mother bird did not care. Only after 20-30 tries the baby bird could get some height. It was tired and hungry. The bird was begging for some rest and food. But the law of the nature made its own mother the cruelest one for it. She took it to a height and dropped it from there. I saw how the baby bird somehow managed to land safely. For him it was the matter of life and death. And finally the mother bird pushed it into the depth of the valley. For my amusement the baby bird started flying and it straight away flapped its wings towards the horizon. The message was clear. Captain Shekhar wanted to show me the power of perseverance. We didn’t had any conversation while driving back.
When I came back. I found a notice. It was written “The Committee has decided to give last and final chance to Cadet “My Name” to prove his competency in flying course. His performance will decide his eligibility to remain in the flying branch. The training sorties will take off sharp at 6:00 tomorrow morning”. Next morning I was fresh but furious .With shaking hands I put on my flyinigsuit and gears. I tied my shoes and felt the grip of confidence. I tightened my belt and felt like a warrior. I promised to myself in front the same mirror which frightened me one night before. It was bright but the sun was not out yet. We took off and everything went on smoothly. I was happy, so I was able to perform all the requisite tasks majestically. Finally I passed the test when I pulled the throttle with shaking confidence .Now it was the time to celebrate. The sun was rising and I saw it climbing up high on the horizon. It was the same sun which used to set on Devi Temple Hill. But this time it was rising up instead of setting down. Suddenly I realized that this is my world which I used to wondered beyond horizon. When the sun sets in one horizon it rises in another one just opposite to it. I was in the world of my dreams and elated to see it as reality. I was happy and delighted. I extended my hand to grab My Handful of Sky