I run...

I run from pleasure
         and I run from pain
In run from sunshine
         and I run from rain


I run from rise
       and I run from fall
I run from mortal
       and I run from soul


I run from disgust
  and I run from delight
I run from accord
  and I run from fight


I run from loss
  and I run from gain
I run from freedom
  and I run from chain


I run from gloom
  and I run from glow
I run from trickle
  and I run from flow


I run from silence
  and I run from noise
I run from restriction
  and I run from choice


I run from solitary
  and I run from rally
I run from mountain
  and I run from valley


I run from shores
  and I run from ocean
I run from frustration
  and I run from motivation


I run from open
  and I run from cage
I run from laughter
  and I run from rage


I run from vicinity
  and I run from afar
I run from perfection
  and I run from scar


I run from  wind
  and I run from shower
I run from thrones
  and I from flower


I run from demand
  and I run from prayer
I run from achievement
  and I run from failure


I run from liberty
  and I run from compulsion
I run from fancy
  and I run from repulsion


I run from devilish
  and I run from divine
I run from mundane
  and I run from sublime


I run from admires
  and I run from disdain
I run from release
  and I run from restrain


I run from surrender
  and I run from engagement
I run from chaos
  and I run from convenience


I run from detach
  and I run from cling
I run from everything
  and I run from nothing


I run from oblivious
  and I run from aware
I run from everywhere
  and I run from nowhere


I know nothing
  to what I run
I understand nothing
  from what I run


I think nothing
  why do I run
I do nothing
  but I just run 

Why can't they wait...

I was young

and I was bold

In the summer

or in bitter cold

Some were friends

but  some were foes

some were delighted

but some had woes

Some were strangers

untouched and unknown

some were there

to see me grow

They wanted me

to climb and to propel

fly into the sky

to prosper and excel

some always wished

for me to drop

for them, if I don’t fit

I must loose

If I do not fulfill

their scheme of design

if I do not relent

to their wish and conscience

they always wished

for me to fall

as if, I will not then,

they will fall

and I did fall

for my fate was bad

it turned me down

at a time which i never had

yes I did fall

when I was deceived

yes I did fall

when I failed to achieve

but it was a fall

and not the death

the life was there

lingering to a thread

the life was there

in my flesh and bone

yes life was there

in parts and in pain

like those vultures

desperate to devour

it doest matter

if I were one of their own

the moment was ripe

atleast they felt so

i can still remember

seeing their faces glow

when they flew down

with speed and glide

when they flew down

with great appetite

their beaks were sharp

hooked and strong

they tore away my flesh

with all their might

parting my meat

from my bone

it gave them cheer

and not the shiver

can't they see I was still alive

the body they scavenged

was not a corpse yet

but just gave up the fight

can't they wait

for my life to leave

can't they wait

for my soul to be free

can't they wait

for my skin to be cold

can't they wait

for I say to myself  “don’t hold”

can't they wait

for my heart beat to subside

can't they wait

for my pulse reside

can't they wait

for my hopes to sink

can't they wait

for my eyes cease to blinks

can't they wait

for my breath to stop

can't they wait

for my everything to drop

can't they wait

why can't they

just wait

Emotions of Unborns...!!

God when he was done, making the moon and a huge ball of fire
Creating earth became exhaustive for him and not a work of desire

His life since has been mundane, monotonous and all that boring 
Wondered our lord, why this earth isn’t becoming real & something 

Why not I take a break, why not I stop and laze
Why not I eat something, breathe something and have a gaze

Tired were his hands and face, with half closed but open eyes
God could see the setting sun, beneath the dusky western sky 

Other side in the east, the sky was yet not so dark, 
But it already got filled with giggles of the twinkling stars

All of them encouraging the moon, to rise and shine until the dawn
Apprehensive was the state of mind as it was a nervous new moon

Young was the moon as a crescent shining, balanced on both the edge
Like a boat tied at a river bank, floating in silence with all its grace

What if I tilt a bit this beautiful bright little but sharp crescent?
Was something God thought in those relaxed & clam moments

With no plan in mind and a reason why to get it done
Almighty tilted the moon’s crescent just for his own fun

Darkness which followed the dusk, made god go in deep sleep
Only to get up early next day to work as project earth wasn’t complete

Meanwhile the emotions from unborn, who were living on this new moon
Happily made it an abode, somehow for god this secret remained unknown

The tilt made all them shake, startled, jump, run and roll 
Slipping through the edge of moon, downwards in a free fall 

So it happened to emotions, when they fell from the moon 
They fell upon earth, kept beneath lying unfinished & unknown 

Those emotions from unborn when they met incomplete earth
They mixed, blended and gave it, shape color life and worth

Earth in those days didn’t had anything on surface or motions
It never became heavenly, until it caught those falling emotions 

Desire to give back, became the land, vast fertile clayey & plane, 
They fed and nourished forever, like a mother does to her children.

Hope decided to rise above and became mystic mountains, 
Perseverance filled them with snow forests fog trees and rain. 

The immovable peaks of determination always stood to their ground, 
Forging bravery glory courage spreading them all around. 

Love flowed everywhere and become meandering rivers, 
Skipping jumping falling & flooded, yet remained calm with compassion. 

Carrying nourishment in their flow and waves full of kind affection, 
Blessed the earth with prosperity and took away all the depression. 

Hatred & envy were cruel and always felt so hostile 
Every time they conspired and never made anyone smile 

Freedom made itself the breeze and winds of free will 
Blowing from corner to corner, bringing heat, fragrance & chill

Anger became volcano and started erupting all the fire,  
Shacked the earth burnt the jungle, all the hope and desire

Happiness decided not to stay but rose above the ground 
It went on to become those lovely black and white floating cloud. 

With them falling onto earth, it became complete so beautiful, 
Still there were more emotions on their way and yet to fulfill. 

When they realized for them, the earth do not have any room, 
They felt miserable, became dull, and looked so sad with all the gloom. 

So together they thought and thought and found one another way, 
All of them stretched their arm and held each other from getting away. 

Together they brought earth & moon into a sacred & heavenly bond
And made them with each other always so happy and ever so fond

शायद..!!

सूरज मद्धम हो चला था मगर, फिर भी उसे उसी तारीख में, एक बार फिर चमक जाने की चाहत थी शायद...

रात अभी भी ठीक से हुई नहीं थी फिर भी, कुछ तारो को जल्दबाजी मैं टिमटिमाने की चाहत थी शायद...

खुश्क आसमान मैं भी, उड़ते गुलाल से रंगों के बदल को, टूट टूट कर बरस जाने के चाहत थी शायद...

लाल क्षितिज़ के रोके जाने पर भी, कुछ दिलेर परिंदों को, रात भर उड़ते चले जाने की चाहत थी शायद...

हवा के दिल मैं आज सिर्फ, चुपचाप बहने के बजाए, कुछ नए तराने गुनगुनाने की चाहत थी शायद...

दुनिया उनके रंगों को देख न पाए तो क्या, फूलो को फिर भी अपनी खुशबू फ़ैलाने की चाहत थी शायद...

परिन्दे..!!

एक रोज़ ढलती शाम में
जब आँखें अपनी उठाई मैंने
दिखाई दिए कुछ परिन्दे मुझको
उस पिघलते आसमान में

साथ साथ में और लय मिलते
अलग अलग से आकर बनाते
कभी सीधी पंक्ति मैं उड़ते
तो कभी अटखेलियाँ भी करते

कभी कुछ दो एक पीछे रह जाते
तो कभी कुछ आगे भी निकल जाते
कभी कभी तो सब बिखर से जाते
लेकिन फिर सारे मिल भी जाते

पता नहीं कहाँ है जाना उनको
पता नहीं क्या है पाना उनको
पता नहीं वो कहा से हे आए
नीले आसमान मैं पंख फैलाए

कभी कही हवा के झोंकों के साथ
फिर कही उन्ही झोकों के खिलाफ
थी उनको अपनों से मिलने की आस
या फिर शायद दाना पानी की तलाश

एक रोज़ ढलती शाम में
जब आँखें अपनी उठाई मैंने
दिखाई दिए कुछ परिन्दे मुझको
उस पिघलते आसमान में

Please don't say, I don't love you....

Late night. The silence of the night was only breached by the ticking wall clock. There is dim lamp glowing. It looks that the lamp is trying to woo away the darkness with its mighty effort. But darkness is determined to stay in that room . Across this seemingly endless crisscrossing of darkness and light, a beautiful face is glowing. At least the glow of this cute face makes the scene a little bit enervating. But the face is crying. It is a sweet little girl trying to conceal all her pain under the cover of darkness. The music in the background is soft. She is just 5 years old with beautiful hair: long and black falling over her shoulders. It seems the hair itself is older to her.  Suddenly the door opens and a beam of light makes its way in. It illuminates her face as she lifts her face over the pillow. For the first time  her face is visible with all clarity. The eyes are swollen and the traces of dried away tears could be seen on her tender cheeks. A figure approaches her and she look into it with mixed emotions. It is her father approaching her to give her a warm embrace. But she rejects his hug.

Father: What is the matter with you baby. What happened, why are you crying my dear.( Worried)

Girl: I don't want to talk to you Papa. (Eyebrows bent; she frowns)

Father: Oh I see my baby is angry on me. Don't you think, I must know why my child is angry on me?

(Affectionately trying to hold her)

Girl: You don't love me Papa……you don't love me at all .

Father: And why does my   little princess think that her papa doesn't love her anymore?

Girl: You are the busiest papa in this world. I want to see your face as the first thing in the morning as I get up. But I never find you . You always leave early. At night I feel like sleeping in your arms, but you are always late with some meetings or some office work. I wanted to learn riding a bicycle from you, not by some other person, but I never find you. On Sundays also you don't sit with me when I tune into my favorite cartoon channels. I miss all the stories you told me once. I miss the warmth of your lap. Today at school all the students came with their parents. Only I was there without one. You will never realize how bad I felt. Everyone was asking me about you and I was clueless. I have realized that you don't have time for me. So I feel that You don't love me anymore.

Father:  I am really sorry for all the things. All your points are genuine but sweetheart please don't say I don't love you.

Girl: No you don't love me any more (and the girl breaks into tears).

Father: I still remember the day you were born. oh an angel came into my life . She was so beautiful that God himself blessed her with all goodness and Goddess graced her with all her Charm. I saw you held within the cozy arms of your mom. You were filled with infinite innocence. Those eyes were closed yet expressive. I felt if my angel is dreaming about the heaven from where she has come. That moment I promised myself that, I am going to make this world a heaven for her. I still remember those tiny hands and legs I touched. I can never explain what I felt when I kissed those tender cheeks. And when I took you in my arms for the first time, I felt like the luckiest man in this world. You were the greatest gift to me. I could see a baby with eyes like me , ears like me , Cheeks like me , lips like me , nose like me and it was well mixed with the essesance of your mother everywhere, just like the way she accompany me everywhere. Your presence endorsed and beautified my relationship with your mom. It gave a wonderful meaning to our marriage. You amplified our love for each other. You were not only my child, you were a blessing to me. The sweetest of all the possessions in my life. I saw you as my own projection to the future world. I saw you as my own reflection. I still look for my own eyes when I look into yours.  I hardly get time to see you playful. so as soon I get back from my office I straight away go to your room to make sure that my darling baby is safe and comfortable. When I see you sleeping in the earlyhours , I search for that infinite innocence and make my day.

Sweetheart you are my essence and you have been nourished by the most beloved women of my life. I love you the same way I love me, my mom and your mom

My blood is running in your body. You carry my genes . You reflect the face of my previous generation. You make me remember of my own parent. You are my grip to my future generation. You are associated to me in the same way I am associated with my own parent.

So please don't say that I don't love you .

The Night!!!

Deep into the horizon far away, I see the shimmering light

and wonder by closing my eyes ..is it the air or

just the flickering of my sight ?

may be may not be but, the view makes enticed

And as an email pops up on my monitor

everything goes back into the whirlpool of night

The Change....!

In a misty morning
Before the ray of the sun
with the climax of your dream
you open your eyes to see
nothing has changed

In a cloudy day
While running down the street
having school bag on your back
and you come back home to see
nothing has changed

In a rainy day
When you get drenched
on the top of a hill
and you come back home to see
nothing has changed

In a summer afternoon
while boiling with your own sweat
you burn barefooted
on a basking road
and you come back home to see
nothing has changed

In a drop dead dark
While you have no light
you find your way out
in the defth of the night
and you come back home to see
nothing has changed

And times comes when
you rise over himalayas
like the mighty monsoon
You shine over ocean
like the gorgeous moon

You dont care if
it is basking day
or a drop dead night
All you care to do
You come back home to see
every thing have changed.

When I saw this girl........!

A Journey to remember .......A memory to cherish….
Location: Bangalore (Majestic Bus Terminal)
Time: 2006 (Monsoons) 7:30 Evening

After waiting for almost half an hour, finally my bus Number 21c came towards the platform. The whole pile of humanity, which got accumulated on platform number 19a, rushed to grab a seat. I was lucky enough to grab one and luckier to capture another. It was not because I was strong. It was because I made my way through two fat guys. Thanks to my slim and trim stunning figure. As soon I got into the bus, I took a seat and kept my bag on another adjacent to it towards the window.

I waved to a girl who was standing with much difficulty in the crowd and gave her a friendly smile. I offered her a seat next to me. She was confused but she took the seat. Getting confused was not a priority for her I guess. After settling down she asked me.

She: Excuse me!!! Do I know you by any chance?

Me: Of course Not (with a poise)

She: Then why did you saved this seat for me?( She looked puzzled)

Me: Well ….ah……hmmm…..yesss … may be I don’t like to see some beautiful girl travelling in such crowded bus while standing uncomfortably….(Flirting smile…oh I am in expert in that)

She: (Shocked, surprised, confused but happy for the reason “she got a seat”, and for the better Reason “She was mentioned as beautiful”

She: Oh I see. But don’t expect thanks from me. I never asked for this seat….

Me: As you wish (Wow I love that attitude …)

And I started looking out of window as if I don't give it a damn if she is beside me well!!! Yes….. of course I was thinking about her..like a desperate high school lover.

After passing of a couple of kilometers. She got another battery of question for me.

She: By the way…where are you going?

Me: Rajarajeshwari Nagar. I guess this bus goes there only. I was trying to be over smart….

She: I know (Annoyingly) but it passes through a lot of places also.

Me: No answer (I was clean bowled….)

She: Where exactly in RR Nagar. (With a blink revealing her beautiful and shiny eyes.)

Me: Market Complex

She: Are you from RNSIT or JSS Engineering College….(She said in a fashion that she likes ppl for that college)

Me: Yes I am from RNSIT. ( How does she knows that? May be she is watching me going to college on my noisy Yamaha R100…..Bingo)

She: See I am totally confused by your act. Even though it is pleasant but I am not comfortable.

Me: (with a heavy heart) If you mind sitting beside me, you can very well leave the seat and the other rusty and dusty guy staring at you (and moreover on me) can take it.

She: See I am confused. I was right there in front of you at majestic and you never gave an eye to me. And now you save a seat from the whole crowd Just because I am beautiful. I don’t believe in your reasoning. Tell me why did you saved this seat for me?

Me: (to myself) Oh god…I am in serious trouble now. She don’t believe in the straight forward and true reason and now she want a reason so that she can brand me as ‘’Good Boy”.

Boy, I must tell you. Girls always try to find a reason if they happens to talk with you. I mean somehow they got to prove you a good boy so that you cannot take them for granted…….I never understood this strange behavior.

She: Hey I am asking you why you don’t answer my question. (Such that she is waking me up from deep thought)

Me: (Recovering). Ok that is because…… I saw you waiting for this bus for long time even before most of the people came for it. And you were unable to grab a seat when people madly rushed as soon as the bus arrived. People coming after you got a seat and you did not. I thought to give it a justice and saved it. (Well done Nishu!! That was a good shot)

She: Oh thanks a lot….by the way you noticed me ha? (Now she was being flirty)

Me: (to myself) I don’t want this ‘thanks’ tied with one of the most difficult question to answer.

If I say that” I noticed her” she may mistake me for a stalker and if I say “I did not” then she will think that I am a liar to tell her that she is beautiful. God I am gone

She: Hey

Me: Ya!!!! Well I don’t know (Girls love to see guys confused…in this case her love for confusion saved me)

She: Ok tell me your name

Me: (Oh god! What she is going to do with my name). Well I am Nish…….

She: Nish…Nish what….Nish….aaa, Nish…ant or Nish….uuuuuu..(Boy I tell you, She was superfast and supersmart to say that)

Me: Now you have three choices you can call me any one…..(Ha ha ha ha….Grabed the chance…..)

She: She smiled..(Oh l love those lethal smiles….they kill me instantly… ).

Me: By the way I am Nishant Officially and Nishu Lovingly.

She: O!!!! Good way to introduce yourself with a girl..

Me: Oh really thanks a lot.

She: But I must tell you you are missing something

Me: Missing something….and what exactly?

She: You didn’t ask for my Name…

Me: (to myself..who cares….)oh….well what is your good name miss…? ( I hope she is Miss…)

She: Hi I am Suhasini…..

Me: Luvly name Suhasini…..Perhaps luvlier then you…I smiled (and that was a genuine smile)

She: Oh thanks a lot…but was that a complement? (With frowning eyes…)

Me: Can you please tell me one thing? (Perhaps this was the first question I asked her…asking for her name was something she forced me to do.

She: Ya

Me: How did you figure out, that I am from any one of those two colleges?

She: It is simple..you are not a localite …….are you..? And that’s the reason for you to be someone from one of those colleges.

Me: Good …You are intelligent also….(with a pinch of sarcasm)

She frowned with a smile and I appreciated that by nodding my head.

By this time we were about the reach Utharahalli Bus stop.…….
to be cont......

Kaancha.....!!!

The smoke from my cigar made a way to the mist and the cool breeze made the mist to dilute. There was something which was not diluting....it was mesmerizing sound of the flute. Further I was driving....more the sound was flowing down to my heart through the ears....and next moment I was on the top of the hill. And there I saw him. Small but beautiful blue eyes.....fair complexion with pale shade....nose like a chewing gum with undefined shape. Short hair small height. He was just walking around and playing with the pure air of the hills. Kids down the plane can never feel the freshness which this little boy does. The memory is still fresh as those winds...I was then a trainee engineer for a hydel power project posted on the hills to the far eastern side of the country. Terrains still un-explored, air still fresh, hills still young, rain still soothing, people still welcoming.

"Khana khaisa amma....?" I asked the land lady and smiled. She happens to be one of the sweetest old women on this earth. I went inside the room. It was a cozy room. The roof was made of bamboo with husk on top of it. I could clearly see it was getting moistened in the morning mist. One of those dew drops made me to wake up and once again the first thing I could hear was those mesmerizing flute, it was so magnetic that it could teleport me to the other part of the universe instantly.

I drove my vintage 2nd world war willy to the top of the same hill and found that child again. He was sitting on the same stone overlooking the valley to the horizon at the other side. I felt as if he was waiting for an angel to come and caress him. I wanted to talk to him, but I could not, language divide stopped me to do so. I just kept my hand on his shoulder and offered him the chocolate which I got from Calcutta. Initially he was hesitant to accept it but when I looked into his eyes he took it with a grace.

Today he is coming to see me. I am so happy. A commanding officer of the gorkhas is coming to see me. May be the stars on his shoulder will not impress me the way his small blue eyes did to me. The olive green uniform may not make me feel that pale skin effect. For me he is still a young boy from the Far East. Untouched by any complication of this cruel world. His short & smart hair, a flute in his left hand could make me feel happier.

Halka Halka Sa Ye Nasha....

She was beautiful…and she made me feel beautiful instantly….the effect was same as that of a cup of tea ……rrrrefreshing. Red and brown shades of life faded to purple and then to romantic pink.
Interesting Fact – I don’t know her name…
More Interesting Fact – I don’t want to know it either…
Just one glimpse of her face was enough for keeping me going happy, happier and happiest……
I tried and related her with every nook and corner of my life…
I woke up late…and tried to imagine her sweet reaction to it….oh my god…she is not happy to see me getting up late… (She is happy that she got chance to say something to me )
She must have loved to listen …when I sung like a maniac……I am talking about my bathroom singing habits.
Oh…she got crazy to see me eating my breakfast (very fast without any break…)….oh she must hated me for that (Sweetheart has no idea…I always get late for office….)
Look she always admires me, when I shower love to those cute little kids…. (She is a typical women …;)). I am more than sure that she will love my idea for having hundreds of children and thousands of grandchildren
Does she likes…my taste of music….obviously…she likes me so she will like them also…. (God knows why…. ).
Does she disagrees with my understanding for politics….(Yes my dear friends she is so innocent to do so.. )
Does she love the vividity of different Indian culture…..yes she do…. (..I love it coz she has genuine respect for all of them…). Hope she will help one of them to be preserved….
Should I express my views for feminism to her…..? (Nah…she can misunderstand me for a Good boy..I hate to be called one.)
Hey wait… If I can express my idea of education to her…I know she will not mistake me for a rebel… (Wow)
I wish….If she can cook all the delicacies for me (I am crazy for food…though I don’t look like. )
I hope that she will sing a melody to calm me down…. (Common Nishu…she is not Lata Mangeshkar)
I can’t resist to ask her for a joy ride in the middle of the night…Just for a cup of coffee 70 Km away on the highway (My old jeep will suck 10 liters of fuel just for a cup of coffee ).
I will love it if she doesn’t mind to do salsa…on the grass floor…under the monsoon rain (Of course with me ….)
Do I really want them to happen in my life? I don’t care if I want or not. Only thing is I know is that, I love these feelings and desires popping into my heart …and want to stir them with every song I hum.

Random Thoughts....

I may call it transition in my outlook. Things are changing everyday and some are getting good and a few are getting very good. Contrarily many things are getting bad, worse worst. Life is going like a long train journey, one we have with Great Indian Railways (Truly Great).You wait for another railway station rather than milestones. I may be at the mid of my journey or may be I have finished only a quarter. Well may be I am about to conclude it…only God know that. But all those thoughts become irrelevant, once you start looking outside the window. You find greenery well amalgamated with different good and bad colors of life. Wait a minute! Am I making sense …may be …..may not be. Who cares? At least not I. The other day while flipping the newsprints, I got some shocks…not shockwaves anyways.The separatism, regionalism, murder, rape …blah blah. Today It was finance which caught my eyes. Finance, I never understood them, or I never understood the financers of our country. Within a short period of 1 year things are getting ugly. There is something seriously wrong with me or the media…can’t write much on that, have to study economics to figure out. An array of thoughts starts doing ping pong and its is really difficult to get a nap without holding them. These things sometimes drive me crazy and some times numb. I am not comfortable either ways. It always ends up with kicking me down to ashes. I don’t know if I can be phoenix but I have to fly again…err…to much of over ambitions with greek mythocurry. Hate it to recite or to speak out but can’t help it all the time. World is not static, it is rotating and to make me amused enough it is revolving also. They say we get a free trip around the sun. Around the Sun? Why not “towards the Sun” instead. May be sun is too expensive to go….no the reason is, it is hot…..( Not like those Hollywood Babes) …it is real hot….red hot. Interesting, something giving out light and life is not cool at all. It is burning in itself. Something which strikes the chord is that, sun while giving out light and life is not cool enough to get near to. Is it sad? Not necessary. What if the sun will be cool? May be visiting over there for a summer vacation. Ishhh…again another idiotic thought…this is how my life goes on…one foolishness followed by another and whole bundle of crazy things to be done before it is too late to realize the mistake. And then starts the lessons and passion to improve. It goes useless…well not every time. I get improved day by day. At least by mistakes if not by lessons. You click your mouse button and the whole world gets pasted on to your retina walls. Not necessarily, you need to get some other organ to accommodate them. It is called heart. Well most of youngsters like us happen to give to some good looking girl and sometimes to many of them to share and play with it. Oh my god once again the bizarre ideas are ruining my time….but some wise men say this is how some great discoveries were made, I mean by thinking bizarre…mind it only some of them were made not all of them. Our mind craves for something called perfect and there is nothing called perfect. Same thing is with heart. It strives for something called peace. But no one knows if it exist…peace or so called peace, it exist only in the high level diplomatic talks of bureaucrats’. Philosophical…or .ah…I don’t want to give that crap. But my fingers don’t obey me and they keep pressing some stupid keys. School children amuse me the most. They fear their teacher more than a devil. For them Dracula is just a character not a reality …and if a few of them believe in it, they make a difference. Homework is something gives them nausea not the probable nuclear world war. Our mind reacts in the same manner every time, though with the different situation at different stages of age. The agony and panic makes the same effect. Am I speaking something like Rocket Science? And what is the fuss about this rocket science. Why people everywhere gives an example of it when they have to mention something complicated technological scientific and etc etc ……I find it a bundle of mechanics some Gentlemen called Newton told us long back. Enough of all these crap. It is time to have a coffee break. Adieu .